Full Tilt (Rock Star Chronicles) Page 7

  “Is this deep enough?” The sound of her voice snapped him out of it.

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “That’ll be fine.”

  “I want to get a gravestone for her.” Her angry front melted, and Karen dropped to the edge of the hole, her shovel falling, her anguish bursting forth in a flood of tears.

  Everett jumped into the twenty-five-inch hole and nestled next to her. “I’m sorry, babe.”

  He got only a glimpse of her pink cheeks and wet upper lip before she buried her face in his chest.

  “We can’t have children, Ev,” came her muffled cry.

  “Now, darlin’, this isn’t gonna to stop us from having little Lesters. I know it’s been—”

  “I can’t have babies!” She shook her head against his chest as she clung to him. “Because of the abortion. I found out yesterday.”

  The silence pounded in his ears. She must be wrong. We’ll fix it…

  “What are you saying?” He pried her away so he could look her in the eyes. “Tell me! What’s going on?”

  “I wanted to—ever since the appointment.” She moaned. “There hasn’t been time! I wanted you to tell me about the concert, then Eddie called—”

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” He stroked her cheek, backtracking to the day before and counting the hours she’d held in the news. “What’d the doctor say?”

  “When I had the abortion.” She had to catch her breath. “I had an infection in my womb and Fallopian tubes. The doctor said it was nothing—”

  “So, what’s the problem?”

  “Let me finish!” she cried. “I was young enough, he said, there’d be plenty of time to heal. That’s why I never mentioned it. It was nothing…”

  “But the doctor—”

  “Yesterday, the ob-gyn said there are adhesions on my Fallopian tubes; she thinks they’re shut for good. I’m infertile!”

  “We’ll get a second opinion.” But the discussion with Eddie flooded back to him. And somehow he knew this was God’s plan. It was cold and dreadful. But it was the hand they were being dealt. Now, he would be forced once again to walk further and deeper in the blind faith he’d just tried to explain to his brother.

  Karen lurched out of the hole and ran from Everett. Ten yards out, her body went limp with the siege of emotion, folding to the ground like a wilting flower. “Millie’s dead. My womb is dead. My dream is dead! I’m not going to be able to have your children.”

  Everett rushed to her side as she pounded the dirt with her fists. “What did I do to deserve this?”

  He couldn’t help but think, You married me.

  Rosey approached her, whimpering and nudging her wet nose against Karen’s coat.

  “I’m sorry, honey,” Everett said. “I’m so sorry. I should have asked more about the appointment. I’m so dang selfish.”

  Karen shuddered at his words, the tears streaming down her anguished face. “I wanted to tell you. I wanted you there with me…”

  Everett squeezed her tightly, pressing his cheek against the top of her head. How long is this angel of a woman going to put up with a loser like me?

  Karen insisted on accompanying Everett to bury Millie. The dog was still wet, heavy, and stiffening. Although Everett had contemplated driving the tractor with Millie in the trailer, he decided not to mention the idea to Karen; she would want it to be more personal.

  Karen covered the dog in a navy blanket and helped guide Everett as he carried the body all the way down and up the rolling hills that led to the ridge. Once Everett, out of breath and on his knees, gently laid the collie in the oval-shaped hole, Karen used one of the shovels to chop and jab the dirt that would cover the dog—making sure it was fine, like powder—no stones. Everett helped.

  They covered their beloved collie with the soft dirt until there was a small mound slightly above ground level. Karen marked the grave with three large rocks they’d found nearby.

  “I want to read something.” She reached for the inside pocket of her beige barn coat and pulled out a small black Bible. Everett rested an arm around her back.

  She leafed through the thin pages, her tapered fingers and thin hands pink from the cold. A line of geese honked overhead. “‘Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.’”

  A tear slipped from the outside corner of her eye and hit the shoulder of her coat. “‘For You have been a refuge for me…a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.’”

  The Scripture was about more than Millie and the wicked ones who killed her; this was about her infertility, the death of a dream, and their very future—which was going to be radically different than Karen had ever envisioned.

  With the whipping wind, Everett was rocked by an overwhelming sense of inadequacy, as if he wasn’t all Karen needed.

  It was a lie.

  Why do I listen, then?

  “One more,” she muttered, rolling the pages beneath her thumb. “I’ll have to work on this one.” She paused. “‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you…’”

  She slipped the Bible back into her coat pocket and knelt, her knees soaking in the wet dirt. Then she looked up, toward the house, finishing the rest from memory. “’For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good…’”

  9

  ON THE GLOOMY TREK back to the house, Everett was surprised to learn that Karen hadn’t yet shared the news of her infertility with her parents.

  “I wanted you to know first,” she insisted.

  “Okay. But it’s time to call them.”

  “I know,” she mumbled.

  “Your dad’s gonna feel responsible.” He carried both shovels in one hand and held her close with the other. “And your mom’s going to want to be with you—they both are.”

  Karen was subdued and didn’t argue as they marched through the wet snow toward the house. Everett, meanwhile, recalled the first time he’d met Jacob and Sarah Bayliss at their home in Topeka a little more than a year ago. It was then that Jacob explained the nightmare that had changed their lives.

  Some thirteen years ago, Karen’s father had been the pastor of a large legalistic church. In her own way, Karen rebelled against Jacob’s hypocrisy, pride, and lack of love—she became pregnant at the age of fifteen. To save himself and his man-made ministry, Jacob drove Karen to get an abortion.

  Mind-blowing.

  The night after the operation, in his study, Jacob had an encounter with God—for the first time. On his face, behind locked doors, Jacob cried for hours as God showed him, through that tragic experience, what kind of person he’d been.

  “By His mercy, that’s when everything began to change,” Jacob had explained to Everett. “I asked Karen’s forgiveness, and Sarah’s, and God’s. They were each merciful. I repented and prayed for God to change me, and He began to, that very night. And when I changed, there was a glorious change in Karen and in Sarah.”

  After stepping down from the pulpit of that seven-hundred-member church, Jacob had never gotten back into formal church leadership. Yet, Everett looked up to him as a spiritual mentor and one of the godliest men he knew. That’s why he was so excited about having Jacob along on the upcoming Living Water tour.

  After insisting on setting out lunch fixings, Karen retreated to the master bedroom on the main floor to call her parents. Everett and his brother, both red-cheeked and sock-footed, made ham sandwiches at the large island in the kitchen.

  “I’d rather you just give me the money and take me to my car.” Eddie put a handful of pretzels on his plate. “There’s no reason for you to go with me to meet the bookie.”

  “No reason—after last night?” Everett said.

  “There’s not gonna be any more trouble, as long as I’ve got the dough.�
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  “Look, I’m going.” Everett poured himself a Diet Coke out of the two-liter bottle. “I just wanna make sure it goes off without a hitch.”

  “I don’t want you to get involved, okay?”

  “Well, that’s tough. It’s my money. And I’ll go if I wanna go.”

  They each took a seat at a bar stool against the island. Before Everett could suggest a prayer, Eddie had already taken a big bite of the dark rye sandwich and swung his bandaged face toward the bay window, staring outside.

  Everett bowed his head and closed his eyes but found it difficult to concentrate on prayer with Eddie right there. He managed a quick thanks, a request for protection and comfort for Karen.

  He looked up, into his brother’s waiting eyes.

  “I’m gonna need to change before we do this errand,” Eddie mumbled.

  “That’s better.” Everett smiled. “Hey, Karen and I were talking, and we thought maybe she could come—”

  “Not to do the deed…”

  “No. I was going to say, we could take you to your house and get you changed. Karen’s wanted to see your place and the family. If she’s up to it, maybe she could hang out while you and I meet the bookie. It’s not gonna take too long, is it?”

  “Well, I’m not sure anybody’s gonna be at my house.”

  “Okay. Well, where do we go to pay the debt?”

  “Restaurant on East Fifty-second. Then I gotta get the Amanti—near my office.”

  “East Fifty-second. Near the Art Museum?”

  “Close, yeah.”

  “’Cause Karen’s been wanting me to take her to an exhibit down there, some photography show. We could drop her there, if she can’t stay at your place, and I can pick her up later.”

  “Okay by me. I can’t promise what kind of reception she’s gonna get at my place, if anybody’s home.”

  “She’s a big girl.” Everett wiped his mouth with a paper napkin. “You’d be surprised the kind of tigers she can tame.”

  It took several seconds, but when Eddie realized Everett had been talking about himself, he snickered. Everett joined in, and for a moment, they were brothers again—waxing silly over ham sandwiches at the kitchen counter.

  Eddie’s upscale neighborhood in White Plains reminded Karen of some of the elite areas of Topeka, only ritzier—much ritzier. Towering trees hung over quiet streets, sidewalks, and precise landscapes.

  Eddie looked out the passenger window of Karen’s white Accord and shook his head. “Look at that. Even in December, they got toys everywhere. I’ve told the neighborhood association about that.”

  Karen followed his gaze to a brown Tudor-style house on a hill. Three sleds littered the front yard, as well as a yellow Tonka truck, a leaning snowman, and a ton of footprints, mashed snow, and trampled grass. It looked lived-in to her, with traces of children everywhere.

  Karen squeezed her purse. It was something she and Everett would never know.

  As Everett swung the Honda down the blacktop driveway, it was like pulling into a private cul-de-sac. Straight ahead—just past where the driveway widened—was a sprawling white home with a four-car garage and an arched entryway leading to elegant, double front doors.

  Hands in pockets, Karen wrapped her coat tight around her. “Everett’s told me about this place, but I had no idea how beautiful…” Or how expensive it was.

  “Thank you.” Eddie keyed his way into the front door and stepped in. “I can’t believe it’s taken this long to get you over here.”

  “Madison?” a female voice called.

  “No, not Madison,” Eddie yelled back, a tinge of pink filling his cheeks. He looked down and wiped his feet on the thick beige rug in the foyer. “Let me take your coats.” He laid them over a chair in the adjoining living room and stepped back into the foyer, which smelled of cigarettes.

  “Well, do you have the guts to face me?” snarled the voice from the other room.

  Eddie shot Karen and Everett a bogus smile and led them around the corner into an enormous family room with glossy wooden floors, two huge Oriental rugs, a thirty-foot ceiling, and a stairway whose white banister went all the way around the perimeter of the second floor.

  Karen couldn’t decide what to look at first, the incredible space she had just entered or Eddie’s wife, Sheila, curled up on a long, curved white leather couch. She chose Sheila, whose posture straightened noticeably as the group entered the room.

  “Eddie? What happened to your face?” Her brief expression of shock was quickly replaced by a scowl. “Why didn’t you tell me they were coming? This is just like you.”

  “I didn’t want to try and explain over the phone.”

  Everett and Karen said hello, but Sheila maintained her rigid position. “Where’ve you been?”

  Eddie glanced at them and back at her. “I had a little problem at the track last night. I called Ev, ’cause I didn’t want to bother you. It was late.”

  Sheila reached for her cigarettes and lighter on the glass coffee table, lit one, sat back, and exhaled. Her thick dark brown hair was cut mod, above the shoulders, and accented in auburn. She crossed her arms defensively. Her once unique face had changed dramatically from plastic surgery, looking almost like a mask when she spoke—the words coming out, but the facial muscles barely moving.

  “Those hoodlums finally get hold of you? Serves you right, you—”

  “Yeah, they did,” Eddie purposefully drowned her out before she cursed. “Everett’s here to bail me out. Karen just came along to say hi. Madison’s not home yet?”

  “No.”

  “What about Wesley?”

  Sheila’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, come on, Eddie. We’re not gonna play all-American family, are we? Since when would I know when Wesley’s home and when he’s not?”

  Karen was weak from the verbal barrage. Poor Eddie. When had their relationship spiraled so out of control? What a mess. If there was ever a family that needed the power of God’s intervention, this was the address.

  “Look,” Eddie said, “let’s not argue. Everett and I have got to run into town and Karen thought she’d stick here till we get back, spend some time with you and whoever shows up. Is that gonna work or not?”

  “If not, I’ve got other plans,” Karen spoke up.

  Sheila rose, agitated, from the couch and crossed to a thirty-foot wall of windows, where there were two white swivel chairs and a sitting table. She looked out, her back to them. Karen made note of the small white Christmas tree on the corner table and approached, admiring the view of the valley and woodlands beyond. “What a marvelous setting.”

  Wearing a soft blue V-neck sweater, powder blue jeans, and furry black mules, Sheila picked up a silver ashtray from the table. “This place cost a million a couple years ago. It’s probably worth double that by now. With Madison and Wesley getting older, we’ll probably sell. I want to move to Manhattan.”

  Karen squelched the negative reminders about Eddie’s debt, which shot off in her mind like flares. But she couldn’t ignore the sweet, offensive smell of alcohol, which Sheila wore like perfume.

  “I’m gonna run up and change,” Eddie announced, “then Everett and I are gonna take off. Karen, you can stay or go to the museum—either way.” He dashed up the steps and disappeared beyond the banister.

  Everett strolled over by the caramel-colored marble fireplace. “I’m sure Karen would like the grand tour, if you’re up to it, Sheila.”

  They heard the front door open, keys jingle, and movement in the foyer. After about thirty seconds, Madison leaned around the corner. “Is Dad okay?”

  “Hello, darling,” Sheila snuffed out her cigarette, set the ashtray on the table, and began the trek across the large room. “Your father’s fine. He’s upstairs. Look who’s here!”

  Madison blushed and whispered a shy hello to “Uncle Everett” and “Aunt Karen,” who approached, shook hands, and gave awkward pats while commenting how much their niece had blossomed.

  Indeed, Madi
son had become an attractive, healthy-looking seventeen-year-old, with tanned skin and long brown frizzy hair. Karen couldn’t stop staring at her, marveling at how much she’d matured and amazed at God’s handiwork—how much she resembled both her mother and father. Her light green eye shadow matched her dangly earrings and Abercrombie top, while her sparkling brown eyes looked exactly like Eddie’s.

  “I was just going to give Karen a tour,” Sheila said, as Madison hung her coat up in the hall closet. “You want to come?”

  “I want to see Dad and get changed.” She headed for the steps. “But I might catch up with you.”

  “Good seeing you, Madison.” Everett waved.

  “Join us, Madison.” Karen watched her go up the steps. “I’d love to spend a little time…”

  Madison smiled. She seemed so reserved. Did she know about her mother’s drinking or her father’s gambling? How had she coped with her brother’s death?

  Everett walked out on the spacious back deck while Sheila showed Karen around. The main living area was stark white, spacious, and contemporary, with a minimal amount of furniture. Live plants and flowers dotted its many nooks and crannies. From room to room, the home was clean, simple, and elegant; not an ounce of clutter.

  Eddie returned downstairs wearing a black long-sleeve golf sweater, brown dress slacks, and polished black shoes. Sheila excused herself to get a Kleenex.

  “We’ll wash the clothes you loaned me and get them back to you,” Eddie told Karen and Everett as he headed for the foyer. “You ready to roll?”

  “Yeah.” Everett turned to Karen. “What are you gonna do, babe? Stay?”

  “Sure. If it’s okay…” She heard a creak at the top of the stairs and assumed Madison was hovering above the conversation.

  “Haven’t you left yet?” Sheila barged back into the room. “Come on, Karen, there’s a lot more to see. Good-bye, Everett. Don’t let that blind brother of yours lead you into his sinister world.”

  Karen tried to make eye contact with Everett to second Sheila’s notion, but he was following Eddie, who had already rounded the corner.